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  • Toy Durability Tester – Child’s Room Division

    • Location: Emeryville, California
    • Type: Direct Hire
    • Job #14

    editedAndy’s Toys is seeking a Toy Durability Tester to join the Child’s Room Division. This role is responsible for ensuring all toys remain safe, functional, and emotionally resilient during regular play sessions, imaginative scenarios, and high-impact adventures.

    The successful candidate will help evaluate toy performance under real-world conditions including drops, squeezes, tea parties, space missions, and periods of extended neglect under beds. You’ll work closely with a diverse team of toys to identify wear, prevent structural failure, and maintain overall playtime morale.

    Key Responsibilities

    • Test toy durability under typical and extreme play conditions

    • Assess resistance to drops, throws, chewing, and improvised rocket launches

    • Monitor joint integrity, stitching, paint wear, and accessory retention

    • Remain completely motionless when humans are present

    • Participate in regular toy meetings and incident reviews

    • Support team morale during periods of change, including the arrival of new toys

    Required Skills & Attributes

    • Strong attention to detail and observational skills

    • Ability to remain calm under pressure (and under furniture)

    • Excellent teamwork and communication skills

    • High emotional resilience and loyalty

    • Ability to “play dead” for extended periods

    Preferred Experience

    • Background in quality assurance, testing, or child psychology

    • Previous experience surviving toddlers or pets

    • Familiarity with cowboy, dinosaur, or space ranger team members

    Working Conditions

    • Part-time role with irregular hours based on play schedules

    • Work environment includes bedrooms, toy chests, and floor-level operations

    • Occasional exposure to dogs, vacuum cleaners, and moving trucks

    This is a unique opportunity to play a critical role in maintaining joy, imagination, and safety in a dynamic child-centered environment. Candidates with a strong sense of adventure and commitment to friendship are strongly encouraged to apply.

    Andy’s Toys is seeking a Toy Durability Tester to join the Child’s Room Division. This role is responsible for ensuring all toys remain safe, functional, and emotionally resilient during regular play sessions, imaginative scenarios, and high-impact adventures.

    The successful candidate will help evaluate toy performance under real-world conditions including drops, squeezes, tea parties, space missions, and periods of extended neglect under beds. You’ll work closely with a diverse team of toys to identify wear, prevent structural failure, and maintain overall playtime morale.

    Key Responsibilities

    • Test toy durability under typical and extreme play conditions

    • Assess resistance to drops, throws, chewing, and improvised rocket launches

    • Monitor joint integrity, stitching, paint wear, and accessory retention

    • Remain completely motionless when humans are present

    • Participate in regular toy meetings and incident reviews

    • Support team morale during periods of change, including the arrival of new toys

    Required Skills & Attributes

    • Strong attention to detail and observational skills

    • Ability to remain calm under pressure (and under furniture)

    • Excellent teamwork and communication skills

    • High emotional resilience and loyalty

    • Ability to “play dead” for extended periods

    Preferred Experience

    • Background in quality assurance, testing, or child psychology

    • Previous experience surviving toddlers or pets

    • Familiarity with cowboy, dinosaur, or space ranger team members

    Working Conditions

    • Part-time role with irregular hours based on play schedules

    • Work environment includes bedrooms, toy chests, and floor-level operations

    • Occasional exposure to dogs, vacuum cleaners, and moving trucks

    This is a unique opportunity to play a critical role in maintaining joy, imagination, and safety in a dynamic child-centered environment. Candidates with a strong sense of adventure and commitment to friendship are strongly encouraged to apply.

  • Protoplasmic Entity Containment Technician updated

    • Location: New York, New York
    • Remote: Hybrid
    • Type: Contract To Hire
    • Job #10
    • Salary: $25.00 Per Hour

    If you find a sense of accomplishment from getting your hands dirty, we’re looking for you! A small New York based start-up is currently seeking technicians to staff their mobile workforce. Applicants can expect a fun, varied work day in a variety of environment as they provide field support to clients through the containment and removal of protoplasmic and ectoplasmic entities.

    Technicians are expected to carry roughly 40 lbs. to 60 lbs. of equipment on their back for several hours a day, as well as the occasional overtime and weekends. No additional experience is necessary, although a willingness to work in hazardous and diverse environments is a definite plus.

    Bachelors of Science a plus, but not required. Please specify jumpsuit size with job application.

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  • Metahuman Sanitization and Clean-up Worker

    • Location: New York, New York
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #9
    • Salary: US$50,000 Yearly

    The Department of Justice is currently seeking applicants nationwide for a metahuman sanitation and clean-up project. All applicants should expect to work on a temporary or seasonal basis (depending on need), and should have experience driving commercial vehicles such as garbage trucks, or performing construction work such as loading and unloading chunks of concrete onto the back of trucks. Supervisor and growth positions are available depending on your level of technical scientific knowledge. All applicants must pass a background check and agree not to steal alien technology from the workplace. GED or equivalent required.

  • Peace Enforcement Officer (Stormtrooper)

    • Location: Washington, Arizona
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #8

    Roquette Canada

    Want to help bring order to your planet? We’re looking for you! Our empire is currently expanding our service area, and we’re currently enrolling peace enforcement officers to assist with civil works projects and domestic law enforcement. Applicants will be given a service weapon as well as our proprietary white armor, as well as provided with a complimentary half hour weapons training before deployment to either a sandy, swampy, icy, or lush destination.

    Successful peace enforcement officers will have the option of promotion, including: positions aboard our large orbital peace enforcement station; membership in our air force; robotic maintenance and upkeep; assistant to the CEO/Emperor. Resistance to mind control not required but desired!

    Note: We are an equal opportunity employer, but please, humans only.
     

  • Starship Captain

    • Location: Seeleys Bay
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #7
    • Salary: US$55,000 Yearly

    Large galactic federation seeks experienced leader and diplomat for long-term employment. All applicants will be expected to perform their duties in periods of gravity, simulated gravity, and antigravity for continuous, around the clock work schedules.

    Candidates must have experience in diplomatic negotiations with various carbon and non-carbon based lifeforms, as well as the ability to guarantee the safety of their vessel and crew, and make difficult decisions on time-sensitive deadlines. Basic training will be provided, but if you’re not a natural leader, this isn’t a job for you! Note: all applicants agree to take part in a simulation training program, and further agree not to cheat the system in order to override desired outcomes.

    Clothing budget for torn tunics and uniform shirts will be granted upon request.

  • Raptor Wrangler

    • Location: Isla Nublar
    • Type: Direct Hire
    • Job #5
    • Salary: US$1,000 – US$10,000 Per Day

    Multinational corporation seeks experienced animal behavioral specialist for exciting, year-round employment! Candidates must be willing to relocate to a sunny, tropical getaway for the chance of a lifetime working with nature’s newest (and oldest) creations.

    Applicants must be knowledgable in creature behavioral science, wildlife care and maintenance, basic mechanical engineering, introductory marksmanship skills, and a fun sense of adventure. Candidates are required to have at least five years zoo experience, the ability to lift over 100 lbs., and look fashionable in a leather vest.

  • Undergraduate Archaeology Assistant

    • Location: Bedford, Connecticut
    • Remote: Hybrid
    • Type: Direct Hire
    • Job #4
    • Salary: US$10,000 Yearly

    Professor at university seeks assistant. Must help catalogue and reclaim items for study in a museum setting. Willingness to listen and not speak preferred. Ability to drive a mine cart, rickshaw, or off-road vehicle preferred. Job is regional and moves around, so willingness to relocate required. Bullwhip construction and maintenance preferred but not necessary. Assistant not immediately required (some have even said an assistant slows things down), so will not hesitate to wait for the right person for the job. Knowledge of identification re: snakes and insects a huge plus.

  • Defense Against Dark Arts Instructor

    • Location: Hogsmeade
    • Type: Contract To Hire
    • Job #3

    Expecto an exciting new job! A private school in the English countryside is currently seeking applicants for a teaching position effective immediately. Candidates must have a strong history in the subject matter, as well as be willing to live on-site to assist in both education and general student care. Supplemental instructors will have the possibility of becoming Professors and gaining tenure based on job performance, as well as student readiness for skills based testing at the end of each semester. Enjoy the open English country air, nearby forest, spacious and beautiful lake, and all sorts of interesting activities and characters to keep you on your toes throughout your work day. Belief in the supernatural, paranormal, and strange is an absolute must. Please note that this is a high turnover position, so serious applicants only. Applications by owl accepted Monday thru Friday, from 10 am until 6 pm.Expecto an exciting new job! A private school in the English countryside is currently seeking applicants for a teaching position effective immediately. Candidates must have a strong history in the subject matter, as well as be willing to live on-site to assist in both education and general student care. Supplemental instructors will have the possibility of becoming Professors and gaining tenure based on job performance, as well as student readiness for skills based testing at the end of each semester. Enjoy the open English country air, nearby forest, spacious and beautiful lake, and all sorts of interesting activities and characters to keep you on your toes throughout your work day. Belief in the supernatural, paranormal, and strange is an absolute must. Please note that this is a high turnover position, so serious applicants only. Applications by owl accepted Monday thru Friday, from 10 am until 6 pm.

  • Housekeeper/Nanny

    • Location: Los Angeles, California
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #2

    Frustrated husband and wife looking for housekeeper to care for large blended family (three boys, three girls). Must be willing to prepare meals, chauffeur children to and from activities, assist in housework, and dispense life advice for thirty minute segments five times a week. Friendly older women, middle aged men dressed as friendly older women, and magical British nannies will be given priority in the application process. Knowledge of 1960’s and 70’s popular culture and slang a MUST HAVE.Frustrated husband and wife looking for housekeeper to care for large blended family (three boys, three girls). Must be willing to prepare meals, chauffeur children to and from activities, assist in housework, and dispense life advice for thirty minute segments five times a week. Friendly older women, middle aged men dressed as friendly older women, and magical British nannies will be given priority in the application process. Knowledge of 1960’s and 70’s popular culture and slang a MUST HAVE.

  • Child Emotion Evocation Specialist

    • Location: Monstropolis, New Hampshire
    • Type: Direct Hire
    • Job #1

    Published Descriptions can be different.

    If you’ve got an interesting face and a talent with people, we’re looking for you! A large, multinational company is looking for charismatic and fun individuals to help draw out either laughter or fear from small children globally. From our central California facility, employees will travel the globe to help evoke strong emotions in children that can be used as a renewable energy source. Are you an expert in shadow puppets, creaking doors, slipping on banana peels, or going bump in the night? You might just be the star employee we’re looking for. On the job training will be provided, as well as education in government and federal regulations regarding the emotional manipulation of minors. Applicants of all shapes and sizes are encouraged to apply as this job is a versatile, one-size-does-not-fit-all opportunity!