Job Category: Union

  • Toy Durability Tester – Child’s Room Division

    • Location: Emeryville, California
    • Type: Direct Hire
    • Job #14

    editedAndy’s Toys is seeking a Toy Durability Tester to join the Child’s Room Division. This role is responsible for ensuring all toys remain safe, functional, and emotionally resilient during regular play sessions, imaginative scenarios, and high-impact adventures.

    The successful candidate will help evaluate toy performance under real-world conditions including drops, squeezes, tea parties, space missions, and periods of extended neglect under beds. You’ll work closely with a diverse team of toys to identify wear, prevent structural failure, and maintain overall playtime morale.

    Key Responsibilities

    • Test toy durability under typical and extreme play conditions

    • Assess resistance to drops, throws, chewing, and improvised rocket launches

    • Monitor joint integrity, stitching, paint wear, and accessory retention

    • Remain completely motionless when humans are present

    • Participate in regular toy meetings and incident reviews

    • Support team morale during periods of change, including the arrival of new toys

    Required Skills & Attributes

    • Strong attention to detail and observational skills

    • Ability to remain calm under pressure (and under furniture)

    • Excellent teamwork and communication skills

    • High emotional resilience and loyalty

    • Ability to “play dead” for extended periods

    Preferred Experience

    • Background in quality assurance, testing, or child psychology

    • Previous experience surviving toddlers or pets

    • Familiarity with cowboy, dinosaur, or space ranger team members

    Working Conditions

    • Part-time role with irregular hours based on play schedules

    • Work environment includes bedrooms, toy chests, and floor-level operations

    • Occasional exposure to dogs, vacuum cleaners, and moving trucks

    This is a unique opportunity to play a critical role in maintaining joy, imagination, and safety in a dynamic child-centered environment. Candidates with a strong sense of adventure and commitment to friendship are strongly encouraged to apply.

    Andy’s Toys is seeking a Toy Durability Tester to join the Child’s Room Division. This role is responsible for ensuring all toys remain safe, functional, and emotionally resilient during regular play sessions, imaginative scenarios, and high-impact adventures.

    The successful candidate will help evaluate toy performance under real-world conditions including drops, squeezes, tea parties, space missions, and periods of extended neglect under beds. You’ll work closely with a diverse team of toys to identify wear, prevent structural failure, and maintain overall playtime morale.

    Key Responsibilities

    • Test toy durability under typical and extreme play conditions

    • Assess resistance to drops, throws, chewing, and improvised rocket launches

    • Monitor joint integrity, stitching, paint wear, and accessory retention

    • Remain completely motionless when humans are present

    • Participate in regular toy meetings and incident reviews

    • Support team morale during periods of change, including the arrival of new toys

    Required Skills & Attributes

    • Strong attention to detail and observational skills

    • Ability to remain calm under pressure (and under furniture)

    • Excellent teamwork and communication skills

    • High emotional resilience and loyalty

    • Ability to “play dead” for extended periods

    Preferred Experience

    • Background in quality assurance, testing, or child psychology

    • Previous experience surviving toddlers or pets

    • Familiarity with cowboy, dinosaur, or space ranger team members

    Working Conditions

    • Part-time role with irregular hours based on play schedules

    • Work environment includes bedrooms, toy chests, and floor-level operations

    • Occasional exposure to dogs, vacuum cleaners, and moving trucks

    This is a unique opportunity to play a critical role in maintaining joy, imagination, and safety in a dynamic child-centered environment. Candidates with a strong sense of adventure and commitment to friendship are strongly encouraged to apply.

  • Protoplasmic Entity Containment Technician updated

    • Location: New York, New York
    • Remote: Hybrid
    • Type: Contract To Hire
    • Job #10
    • Salary: $25.00 Per Hour

    If you find a sense of accomplishment from getting your hands dirty, we’re looking for you! A small New York based start-up is currently seeking technicians to staff their mobile workforce. Applicants can expect a fun, varied work day in a variety of environment as they provide field support to clients through the containment and removal of protoplasmic and ectoplasmic entities.

    Technicians are expected to carry roughly 40 lbs. to 60 lbs. of equipment on their back for several hours a day, as well as the occasional overtime and weekends. No additional experience is necessary, although a willingness to work in hazardous and diverse environments is a definite plus.

    Bachelors of Science a plus, but not required. Please specify jumpsuit size with job application.

    • point one
    • point two
  • Peace Enforcement Officer (Stormtrooper)

    • Location: Washington, Arizona
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #8

    Roquette Canada

    Want to help bring order to your planet? We’re looking for you! Our empire is currently expanding our service area, and we’re currently enrolling peace enforcement officers to assist with civil works projects and domestic law enforcement. Applicants will be given a service weapon as well as our proprietary white armor, as well as provided with a complimentary half hour weapons training before deployment to either a sandy, swampy, icy, or lush destination.

    Successful peace enforcement officers will have the option of promotion, including: positions aboard our large orbital peace enforcement station; membership in our air force; robotic maintenance and upkeep; assistant to the CEO/Emperor. Resistance to mind control not required but desired!

    Note: We are an equal opportunity employer, but please, humans only.
     

  • Starship Captain

    • Location: Seeleys Bay
    • Type: Contract
    • Job #7
    • Salary: US$55,000 Yearly

    Large galactic federation seeks experienced leader and diplomat for long-term employment. All applicants will be expected to perform their duties in periods of gravity, simulated gravity, and antigravity for continuous, around the clock work schedules.

    Candidates must have experience in diplomatic negotiations with various carbon and non-carbon based lifeforms, as well as the ability to guarantee the safety of their vessel and crew, and make difficult decisions on time-sensitive deadlines. Basic training will be provided, but if you’re not a natural leader, this isn’t a job for you! Note: all applicants agree to take part in a simulation training program, and further agree not to cheat the system in order to override desired outcomes.

    Clothing budget for torn tunics and uniform shirts will be granted upon request.